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Wednesday 19 June 2013

Fukrey review



 So I enter the theatre will low expectations and two overgrown men playing  kids(Choocha and Hunny)  in school lowers it even further. Enters the wanna be singer, Zafar  who I now assume is the hero of the movie. Zafar has girly hairstyle and plucked eyebrows for which I dunno how much he had to suffer. Dude! Plucking eyebrows won’t make you Imran Khan. You need to choose movies in which you have dialogues unless u get an offer in Barfi 2 ofcourse.
Now get rid of pre conceived notions!

Hunny and Choocha don’t look like a school boy because they have failed once in 1st std, twice in 6th  std and are going to complete a hatrick in 12th if they don’t pass this time. They come up with a brilliant plan: “Even now we won’t study”. Idiots for sure else who cannot not pass even if they start start studying 5 days before our CBSE board exams thanks to gap almost like summer vacation between papers. Dumb boys ofcourse.  They decide to buy the board papers.

Choocha has the divine gift of dreaming up weird stories and Hunny(smart ass his ass) can interpret it accurately(100% mind you) to win lotteries. Zafar’s dad gets admitted and of course he cannot get money because even after 13 retakes in singing he pees in his pants. Also, comes in picture(came a lil early actually) Laali, The Surd whose bike has a virtual note on it: MOLEST ME. Laali is taking tuitions from Zafar’s gf (Neetu) to get into college and jalaaofy the girl who dumped him. He will later start falling for her only after she removes Bhujiya from his beard. LOL!

Hunny and Choocha decide to bet big amount of lottery and go to borrow it and come across Laali and Zafar. All of them need money ofcourse. Even though Big Daddy, Pandit ji is reluctant, Zafar The Duffer convinces him that this is the only way to make money( Of course he can’t sing to save his Dad’s life. )
And hence we enter the funniest minutes of the movie. They decide to make the town Gundi( Thank god the villain is a girl who is not into rape! Refreshing \m/ ), Bholi Punjaban. She is THE DON and seems to be a disciple of Rakhi Sawant loud and clear by the fact that she has a tattoo on her back that reads ‘SINDERELLA’ 

Bholi Punjaban steals all the best dialogues. “Kyu Pandit ji, itne din baad aaye ho, Gupt rog ho gaya tha kya” or “You also run, Behen ke Son” being some of them.

She decides to trust Choocha and his Choo friends’ idea to get benefit on a partnership basis.  Now Choocha is not able to perform under pressure. Errrr…means he is not able to sleep only to get a dream. But out of fear, he tells them a fake story and obviously  Bholi Punjaban is furious. She gives them drugs to sell in a party where Choocha’s chu friend brings along a girl(Priya) he keeps eve teasing. Oh wow true Loou! She comes to the party dressed as if all the the cham cham sitaara of the town has landed on her top.  .  Police strikes and pills are flushed down the toilet by Neetu to save the asses. Don’t ask how. Now while hiding, Hunny asks Priya if she is his gf and she goes furious saying “Zabardasti karne ki koshish kar re ho”. LOL!

After losing Bholi di Goli, they are asked to get 25 lacs in a day. Now Choocha gets a real dream and guess who supports him furiously to bet again. Ms.Neetu Ma’am.  She smartly gives up all her savings along with the silly boy’s chindi amounts. Zafar The Duffer is against it this time and gets proven wrong again shortly as they all manage to win the lottery this time.

Bholi Punjaban is tricked into police custody. Choo and Hunny manage to pass and go to college on a horse( I wonder how could they pass even after getting the paper because searching the right answers for something we have no clue about also takes time). Laali gets a new arm candy and just before you feel like slapping that spineless Zafar, he starts singing and gets his girl back. Yayyiie!

PS: Choocha’s T-Shirt that read COMA and had Puma’s tiger/lion whatever lying dead was really hilarious.\m/

“Hello? Kon? Maata…”  Jaagaran song had me jumping with laughter.

Also, both the chicks are really pretty.

Overall, Fukrey is a mast masala movie rey! DO WATCH IT for the real hero of the movie, the not at all bholi - ‘Bholi Punjaban’.

Btw, Fukrey means Vella te Jobless te a part of all of us. Isn't it? ;)

Thursday 13 June 2013

Art of Self Entertainment

1.       Let your hair loose literally on your neck and press it now. Feeling is same as that of caressing your favorite doggie. Oops! Sorry non girly boys.

2.       Google your genuine doubts like the one I once had: ‘Why is butter milk called butter milk when it does not have butter’.

3.       Make Maggi in Rasna. Or NOT.  It tastes yuck!

4.       Spam your hyper intelligent genius friend’s wall with the message: ‘Chaddi Or Vest, YOU ARE THE BEST!”

5.       Climb up an escalator coming down.

P.S: Don’t act oversmart. Wait for everybody to leave the mall after the night show.

6.       Dance like no one is watching or whoever is watching won’t be able to dance again out of sheer trauma. Same goes for singing like a frog-crow hybrid intentionally or otherwise.

7.       Talk to kids as much as you can. They bring in a fresh perspective. After a few speechless moments, your stagnant IQ will start kicking up again.

8.       Invent your own games.  Translate your favorite song into another language. The idiocy of whole idea and the funny words will tickle you from within.

Look What I found!
           Hindi
A Kya Bolti Tu ?
A Kya Mai Bolu ?
Sun
Suna
Ati Kya Khandala ?
Kya karu Ake mai Khandala ?
Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya
            Sanskrit
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh
Shrinvasi!
Shrunha
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja karishma, kim karishyam

9.       Dance like no one is watching or whoever is watching won’t be able to dance again out of sheer trauma. Same goes for singing like a frog-crow hybrid intentionally or otherwise.

10.       Talk to kids as much as you can. They bring in a fresh perspective. After a few speechless moments, your stagnant IQ will start kicking up again.

Saturday 8 June 2013

Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani Review

Lemme start with ‘You  r my pumpkin pumpkin, Hello honey Bunny(Ranbir Kapoor)’.  Ranbir is not only the best actor that I have seen in recent times but also the most good looking one. Loafer whistles at you my Boy!

It all begins with the meeting of conservative, shy Naina(Deepika Padukone) and her Mommy with  Naina’s  dudette friend Aditi(Kalki). Mommy dear whose own daughter is in a mini skirt finds Aditi’s hotpants too much. LOL

Bored of mugging, Naina joins Aditi, Bunny and the Talli hero-from-Aashiqui 2-who-keeps-forgetting-that-this movie-is-not-Aashiqui 2, Avi(Aditya Roy Kapoor) for a trip to Manali(Kashmir in reality). After a few trademark Deepika’s hair shots , she falls for Bunny who meanwhile keeps flirting with nose-par-jiske-plastic-hai-saara, Lara and indulges in lots of idiotic slow motion dialogues with Naina who has probably damaged her own Naina by studying in the light of things like campfire. Aaargh!

Bunny runs off to USA to chase his dreams just as she was about to propose to him.

Fast forward the story to 8 years later.
Bunny has grown  a beard and changed his earrings and is living his dream life of travelling places. Naina is emoting with her hair, Aditi has decided to marry a rich, fat boy after finally moving on from Awww I love that idiot Avi phase. Avi is ofcourse still shooting for Aashiqui 2

Bunny suddenly pops up at her wedding and dances like a hurricane without any choreography. Wow!
I have a complaint here: How can Aditi be so mean that while she is wearing the prettiest of clothes, she lets her hubby  wear weird flowery shirts. Duh Woman..


Slow romantic(Yawn!) conversations resume between Bunny and now hot Naina who tells him Damn-you-Moron-Come-back-home in a very polite way and 20 mins later, he obliges.
Okay, The END.



Highilghts:

·         The queen of grace and beauty Madhuri Dikshit’s tasteful item number.
·         Kalki’s Bindaas acting and comic timing.
·         Catchy songs

·         Ranbir Kapoor ;)