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Sunday 17 February 2013

Murder of Murder 3




The tagline is: “This Valentine…love will be murdered”.
The tagline should have been: “This Valentine…a few hundred bucks will be murdered.”

Meet bimbo No. 1 in SA. Her acting skills can’t be analyzed solely because I was not able to see anything but her big nose, which sometimes becomes more red than her lipstick. She is dating Randeep Hooda (Tharki No. 1) whose kismet is seriously foota. Even Bimbo No. 1’s nose color could vary more than his expressions. But he is the prettiest person amongst all hands down.

Bimbo and Tharki shift to India where Bimbo wants to test his love for her.  She locks herself in a bomb proof secret chamber in her own house and takes important things like purse (probably for shopping in a hideout room made in 1947) and keys for everything but the chamber. Smart girl! If no sound can be heard from inside, from where the hell does oxygen come in! The room also has leftovers from 1947 for her to eat. LOL! The chamber has 2 one-sided transparent doors and loudspeakers to hear what goes on in the main house. Big Boss inspired?  

Now of course, Bimbo 1 gets locked in and hence, enters Bimbo No. 2. She is a waitress and hence can afford only bare minimal clothes. She stays in a good apartment which surely she cannot afford by working overtime.

Tharki soon brings Bimbo 2 to his house and wins her over with dialogues where vocal variations are as good as a dead person’s ECG. Yippee!
Now onwards all the activities are of course carried out in front of the two see through doors in a house stretched only across a few acres.

Bimbo 2 has to brush her teeth now. She picks up a random brush out of the 2 kept. Eeeew! What kind of a waitress is she! No sense of hygiene! She always manages to reach the house located in the outskirts of the city every evening (I think it’s Mumbai). Dafuq Traffic! :O

Enter Faaltu 1 and Faaltu 2. Both are cops involved in the most epic dialogue of the movie.

Tharki: “I think something is not right.”
Faaltu 1: “You mean something is wrong?”

Dafuq!

While Bimbo 1 and 2 are having conversations through a basin, faaltu 2 is busy hitting on Bimbo 2. Meanwhile, Tharki’s escapades come to light and Bimbo 2 decides to free Bimbo 1 from the chamber. But ofcourse, she gets locked in now.

Bimbo 1 flees back to SA and faaltu 2 comes to save Bimbo 2. As he puts his gun up, we the viewers, bow our heads down in shame for wasting a few thousand paise.
  
Oh BTW I forgot.. Movie has just ended.  

  

Friday 8 February 2013

How Can My True Love Leave me!



It’s been a couple of hours since he left me. All my calls are going in vain. Now I know how Sita must have felt in her exile bereft of Ram, Arnab Goswami in his Maun Vrata and Jacqueline Fernandez in Bollywood.  Completely lost!

I pressed him hard to revive our relationship. Tried to reconnect all the connection I could think of. In a moment of desperation, breaching a barricade of robots, I reached his boss also who promised me a time frame of 2 days to get him back. I know that his promise is as fake as Koena Mitra’s nose.

How can he forget it all! How we stayed up till 2 in the night talking sweet nothings, searching for the meaning of life and trying to upgrade it all. I don’t know how to live anymore. I am sitting with my laptop and tears roll down its eyes as well. Even the domino’s free pizza offer on Friday night fails to cure my addiction to him. World seems black and white and this is the closest I have come to experiencing rural life in a while.

Baby, please come back.
You are my soul mate. You are my search mate. Because you are my Airtel Internet connection.