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Wednesday 6 March 2013

'I, Me Aur Main' Pain



Firstly, I would like a committee to be set up to investigate if Jyoti Randhawa  has stolen all his wife’s cash. Why else did an amazing actor like Chitrangada Singh stoop to something as low as signing this movie. Tcchh….

The core of the movie is to promote ‘Assholism’ in general through John Abraham’s(Ishaan) character. The title reflects him as a selfish but actually he is also a cheapo who refuses to pay the milkman of his gf Anushka(btw, he is a leach living in her house, probably for free)because he drinks black coffee. Should we laugh? Haha..haha…

Anushka(Chitrangada) dumps him and he falls for his neighbor , Gauri (Prachi Desai) just because she keeps flashing.
I mean keeps flashing her …errr.. Teeth! Stylist by profession, she herself wears tacky combination of blue and yellow clothes. She is so demented that even being left alone on a road by the jerk, Ishaan also makes her laugh. She is also a part time electrician always playing with screwdriver in the building. Why the hell did she not fix her own loose screw ! 

Ishaan meanwhile, decides to promote Aamla, who is not edible or tolerable at all. She declares being a noob at everything except singing but miraculously starts doing classical dance at the end with bad lip syncing.
There is one good thing about Ishaan though. He turns into a motivational speaker(Deepak Chopra ..listening?) everytime Aamla is just about to piss in her pants in panic. Just 2 lines and boom!

Meanwhile Anushka discovers that she is pregnant with Ishaan’s child..blah..blah..
Ishaan’s mother takes revenge for the audience by slapping him tight which makes him a good person.LOL!So at the end, he becomes a responsible father while Anushka doesn’t take him back for a hotter guy. Finally a good decision. ;)

Throughout the movie, John keeps delivering an epic dialogue while scratching air in front of mirror like a dog. ”Who is the best (waste)… Who is the best (waste)… Who is the best (waste)…? Ishaan” Pissssssssssss

Monday 4 March 2013

Why am I not the perfect marriage material




If love is blind, marriage talks gives divine vision.  While Indian parents are eventually embracing crazy ideas like letting kids choose their own life partner, a girl has to score above average in atleast four SSSShit departments . And even though I am a well educated(atleast on papers), almost independent girl, I will surely fall short in all of them. :P

1.       Shaant:  My Mom always compared my arrival from school to being hit by a storm. I considered it my duty to speak for even the gadgets in the house, while I played Frisbee with shoes, bag and water bottle. She stands by the fact that she called it ‘Toofan’ only because the term ‘Tsunami’ was not popular back then. Now, 20 years later, if anything, I have become more slapstick. It will be a little tough to blush now at silly Aunty comments or act shy because sometimes the desire to talk back to such people is stronger than the urge to pee after a bottle of Beer.

 
2.       Sajjan: I firmly believe that ‘ Jhansi Ki Raani’ was me in my previous birth. While I am no ‘ Lalita Pawar’, I like to have my share of pranks. Crazy lil things are what tickle me up enough to live.  Sorry but a Tigeress cannot really ‘Meow’.    


3.       Susheel: I have a record for unfailingly falling with the popcorn bucket in movies, accidently dropping water on innocent people who ask me for a glass of one, trying to make magic dal with just water, pouring shampoo all over myself in a hurry just because the talc and shampoo bottles were both green. Basically, I am very clumsy.  Cooking, cleaning, singing, painting are probably A..B..C..D’s of “good girl” world but shit! I started reading backwards from ‘Z’. Reaching A will take time!  I will probably embarrass my future Mom in Law(God save her!) in all her “Aao Behen Chugli Karein” kitty parties!

4.       Sundar:  I just got a haircut whose tagline should be: “Crazy today, fashion tomorrow”. Also, I don’t belong to any of these categories.

·         Healthy but not chubby/thin but not skinny
·         Naagin hair society.
·         Ghost white complexion.
·         Collar bone prominent enough to be a hanger.
·         Tall/short enough to make the guy appear taller and probably many more.


Actually, I become just a normal looking girl after you pay for tiny tucks on the face.
 As of now, there is a little time to see if love takes me down or not, but I would surely like to be put on trial just because I have better ‘S’ characteristics. Spontaneous..Smart…Stubborn…Sporty.. and I would like to SSSShock some of the Mommies and Daddies desperate to get an intellectual Apsara for their poodle son. It’s all just For Fun. ;)