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Sunday 28 October 2012

Why Why Why!!


 
1.       Why the hell do clothes shrink right after a good meal?

2.       Why can’t music listen to me and play itself when even I don’t know what I want to hear!

3.       Why is ‘Maggi’ called ‘Maggi’ when it has 0% Magnesium?

4.       Why don’t Malayalis belong to Malaysia and make atleast 1 GK fact simple?

5.       Why do ideal men love men?

6.       FAT: Why are just 3 letters enough to show 3 layers?

7.       How can a Bollywood actor sing in so many voices within the same film?!

P.S: I have no clue why am I asking all this. May be I overthink or it’s one of those days when I have   nothing to ponder on ;) 

Friday 26 October 2012

Bollywood is having a ball!


It was a great mango season in terms of some of the outstanding movies that were released in the past few months.


 However cliché, horror Raaz 3 was an opener for a string of awesome hit movies in Bollywood.

Barfi was a special one with even more special characters in it. Barfi cycling to A R Rahman’s tunes in the beautiful bylanes was a treat. Kudos to Jhilmil for being a better retard than a retard.  If only they hadn’t taken our old habit of copying from someone else’s “Notebook” so seriously!  


And then came Heroine. The movie was a hit on every pocket that paid to watch it. It seems Madhur Bhandarkar manipulated Kareena’s role to portray each and every and probably the only emotion he went through(constipated pain) when Aishwarya chose pregnancy instead. Seeing the film’s fate, must say that the baby girl indeed brought Aishwarya immense good luck even before she arrived.







OMG! Oh My God restored my faith into the fact that Akshay Kumar is not a bimbo! A rare amalgamation of intelligence, sensibility and humor. It will surely be my choice for Oscars, Bharat Ratna and even Nobel ! This movie should be a compulsory video lecture for every Indian who shuns common sense for religious adamancy.  Paresh Rawal is a class in himself but what entertained me the most was Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sridevi in English Vinglish! ;)


It was a great comeback movie for our very own Lord Voldemort, Sridevi. Every kid can connect to their immature years through this movie. It’s about every Ma who falls in love with herself after loving her family for years. On a serious note, I wish she had run away with the cutexy French guy. But on 2nd thoughts, by feeding her hubby an extra Laddoo in the last scene plus going by the trend of Indian men embracing stress diabetes, may be it was a smart move to keep the ugly husband’s property  and the French stud a few years later. After all, you can never predict a woman.  ;)




  Hopefully  films like SOTY are minor hiccups and the upcoming ones, Talaash, JTHJ, SOS etc. will manage to stretch up this dream run. :)

Thursday 25 October 2012

A lil tweak and a big twist ;)


Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now

No more gas in the rig
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort

Throw on your brake lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in dyslexia
It's like the darkness is the light
Dyslexia
Am I scaring you tonight
Dyslexia
Ain't used to what you like
Dyslexia
Dyslexia


Sunday 21 October 2012

The Great Indian Exam Show


So in that TV series, hero comes to write the paper, answers like a cool fool dude, eyes flirt with the heroine and it’s bell time :)

So we also have quite a few 'exams' for any average student in India. The 'Agnee Parikshas' in true sense.

But the ordeal begins much before the anxiety hits. Finding the exam center is no less than a treasure hunt. It is also a typical rich bitch’s only shot at ‘Discovery of India’. 230 bylanes and Rs 350 ride later, the ‘Eureka’ moment comes and so does the pressure seeing fellow intellectual minds’ last minute Nirma soap like consistent behavior. 


God forbid, if that pressure is transmitted to your bladder, you will definitely have to see hell even before the exam commences. Unless of course, you are the Man who decides to take up the responsibility of watering plants with your own sweat and pee.

 Before entering the exam hall, we get the practice of a lifetime to stand in a queue for reasons unknown even to the guard at the gate. Interestingly, we as Indians do not replicate similar behavior at any counter that we ever encounter.

After so many break points we are expected to break down every question. And we do it! Sometimes by magically increasing the elasticity of that single line that lingers on in head, sometimes by excelling at ‘inky-pinky-ponky’ in MCQs and sometimes even by STUDYING. :D  



Weirdly, a song plays in my head for each emotion that I go through as I set out to exchange my ink for marks..

Leaving the house confidently after forcing everybody to wish me luck: “Sandese aate hain……”

On the way to center looking outside the window: “I am leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when...”
 
Waiting period before you can open the paper on your desk: “Tempted to touch..”

Gambling in MCQ: “Aazmaa Luck Aazmaa…”

In the middle of nowhere: “Wake up Sid!”

Just before paper submission: “Aaj main upar, Aasmaa neeche…”

Just after paper submission:” ula la la la le yo… ula la la la le yo”  

Overhearing my mistake from *lets-discuss-answers* troupe: “Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna…”

After seeing a happy friend: “Acha sila dia tune mere pyaar ka, yaar ne hi loot lia ghar yaar ka…..”

After looking at the solutions: “Kya se kya ho gaya…”


Thursday 18 October 2012

What did Mathematics teach me?

"Ram has 12 apples. He has to distribute it equally amongst Meeta,
Geeta, Seeta and himself. What is Ram’s share?"

Such ‘now- cute-then-horrible’ unitary method questions in 4th class
tried to teach us stuffs beyond maths. Dared we wrong any of the
folks, 0 was waiting right there. :D


Time vroomed ahead and accidentally, I *chose* MSc Mathematics. Yep,
the only degree I did not just get. :)


While pursuing MSc, I discovered the lawyer within. The basic
assumptions were not so anymore. To justify the 108th collorary of
some 10000th theorem, we had to prove so much that my logical skills
escalated much higher than the grades that I eventually procured.
After vomiting out every mugged up proof within an hour, we usually
had good 2 hours still left to use our creativity in proving things
that seemed as obvious as the fact that ‘A’ comes before ‘B’. But we
formed our arguments, presented it somehow and confidently ended in
big bold lie “Hence Proved”.

I firmly believe that my well thought, self composed Proofs have made
me Tougher, Smarter, Liar. Traits of a budding lawyer, eh? :D

Btw, those 2 hours undeniably followed the clock of 3rd level of inception.
But my favorite lesson is the beautiful analogy that mathematics exhibits between life and angle.


One day, you were nothing. Precisely at 0 degree. Soon, you picked up
the sand grains, some within grip, some slipping out, could see good
things coming, you were high at 90 degrees. Eventually, came a point
where life did not even have the ghost of pain, loss, failure. You
were riding on a crest. You stood at 180 degrees. The angles kept
ticking with time. You got accustomed to name, fame and shame, blurred
the lines between need and greed. Never realized the quest to move
further ahead was bringing you closer to 0 degree. Suddenly, even with
everything, you hit saturation. Maths defied its own fundamentals when
360 equaled 0. And at 365 degrees, you get back to rebuilding it all.


Isn’t life a beautifully solved mathematical example ! :)

Saturday 6 October 2012

Handy Tips while dating a Computer geek




A plethora of girls end up integrating the ‘Ross Geller’/’Sheldon Cooper’ of Computer Science world into their lives and hence begins  a tedious journey of debugging the guy’s head periodically for things that are as obvious as Pamela Anderson's you-know-what....  

These few pointers can be a balm for any irritated girl out of the mushy phase where her only reaction to his monologues is Dafuq!



1.       As soon as he starts boring you with the “awesome configuration, amazing blah blah!! ” about a certain Apple product, fizzle him out by asking for it as a gift. It may work as good as pest control.

2.       “Babe you should try coding. It can be our ‘thing’ “ can easily be negated by  “Only if you try shopping.  Though, It will all be my ‘thing’ “

3.       He fears bugs. Become a bug. Threaten to crash if he doesn’t change even a little. Pester him till he welcomes normality into his life.

P.S: Normality means coming home before 12, watching a video instead of a video lecture, working FOR home instead of ‘working FROM home’ , flirting with the idea of  long drive instead of ‘long’ datatype and any stuff  that  makes you go “Awwww…..”

4.       Want to get a point across? Write a code!

After every genuinely emotional demand of yours, he will unfailingly say “I don’t understand”
He may even give you the setup of Ruby (A programming language) when you ask for Ruby, the beautiful  gem.

No worries. Try something like this:

    switch (Take_me_on_a_date) {
       
case Yes:

            printf("You are a smart guy, just saved yourself ;)\n");

            break;

case MayBe:

            printf("You will invite trouble. I am warning you :/ \n");

            break;

case No:

            printf("You are a mean selfish guy cheating on me with your codes. I will dump you before the morning garbage! >.< \n");

            break;

default:

            printf("You mean so much to me but I dunno about you. Don’t even think it's an  emotional atyaachaar  \n");}



If he can’t decode this also, Girl u got a problem. Your guy is seriously weak at coding and may never get a good package! Hence, you may like to reconsider your decision of taking so much effort to appreciate the difference between colon and semicolon, intend and indent, RAM and Lord Ram, Python-The  Snake and Python- The Programming Language and much more  ;)



    
  
   

Thursday 4 October 2012

Midnight Anger :)

Stay Angry, Stay in Love ;)

I am angry when you miss my call
I am angry when you meet a girl
I am angry when you refuse a ball
I am angry when love doesn't make you twirl


I am angry that you know me bare
I am angry when you still mock my tears
I am angry when past brings fear
I am angry because I want you near


I am angry because you don't really know why I am so
I am angry because our LOVE I don't want to blow
I am angry as you always have grievance
I am angry that you can't hear my silence





I act angry just to talk a few minutes more
I am angry that you don't see how it's fake
I am angry because I love you to the core
Sweetheart, I am angry for our sake





Now,
I am angry that even these inspired words lack a pattern
I am angry that I miss you
I am angry because even two minutes less turns me blue
But most of all,
I am angry that I  can never stay angry at you.
 

Wednesday 3 October 2012

B.M.T.C. Shit

                                    
                             The only guy who gets paid to be near women!




Moral of the story: No Job is a bad Job =D