Besharam piece by piece

Okay I confess I was besharam and jobless enough to spend money on watching this utterly nonsense movie, but even RK is to be blamed  for making me go against all reviews and trust his choice.

The movie was seriously an assault on sensibilities but certain scenes/songs/characters steal the show.

1.    Meet Ch*ndel, the constipated criminal(Javed Jaffery) who is lame ass enough to focus on the car needed for the crime more than the crime itself.

2.    Meet Babli(Ranbir Kapoor), an expert in car stealing who needs to make sure his balls are at place every 10 mins. Naachun?  

3.    Meet the childless police force, Mr. & Mrs. Chautala ( Rishi and Neetu Kapoor) who have  literally been given poop scenes to create humor but the jokes stink. Not their fault at all.

4.    Meet Tara, Babli’s love interest and the woman who is PMSing throughout the movie.

5.    Tara, the dumbum lives in a modest area but spends all her savings on a BMW. Intelligent decision making considering she is the manager of some company.

6.    Babli, the besharam meets her at a wedding and even in her cranky mood, she starts gyrating like some ‘Maata’ decided to enter her body.

7.    Tara’s mom meets Babli and gets the divine idea that a loafer mechanic is the ideal guy for her daughter because all her daughter is expecting from her future partner is class. Duh!

8.    Ch**** gives money to Babli to get him a car and he obliges.

By stealing his dream girl’s car.

From her official parking.

When he had seen her arrive in it for the 1^st time.

Dumbness_/\ _

9.    Somewhere in between, we are expected to go all oooh-aah as a result of RK’s butt cleavage in our face for a good 30 sec. Yuck!

10.  The bunch of disgusting attempts to evoke laughter does get a breakthrough in a scene thanks to T2’s(Babli’s buddy) reaction to desperate attempt to create laughter by making him bear the brunt of Babli’s morning wood. Thooo but funny!

11.  Anyway, Babli realizes his mistake and promises to get the car back for Tara, the woman with the longest history of frown.

12. While Tara is in dilemma whether to go or not, her mom is all gung ho about Babli, her dream son in law. So what if he is a typical delhi boy, so what if he keeps eve teasing her daughter. She knows he is the one and Tara should totally tag along with him to get her car back. Wow !

13. They go and the 1^st thing they see in Chandigarh is her car. Whatta coincidence!

14.  She finds out that he was the one who stole her car in the 1^st place and gets pissed off. He enlightens her about him being an orphan and how he gives it all to an orphanage and the inevitable happens.

15. Loou bug hits her and no amount of chicken, ice cream or coffee is enough to win his heart back. Damn it!

16.  He gets beaten badly but one strike on the wind shield of his Tara’s car and he has his “This is spartaa…” moment. Through his gravity defying smartness, he is able to get the car back somehow while it’s coming back from servicing and she gives him a peck. 2 actually. Deep girl, we must notice here.

17.  The great criminal, chu**** had actually sent the car for servicing with crores of money in it. BEST CRIMINAL EVER! Muaah muaah!

18. Bharat Maata, Tara gives the money bag to the corrupt police couple.Then comes the ultimate proposal dialogue by her.
   "Abhi tak toh main sharma hi rahi thi, mujhe bhi besharam bana de..." or something like that. 
       Btw, her surname is Sharma. That's all. :|

19. In true Bollywood style chu kidnaps all the anaath ashram kids and after lot many blah blah scenes, Hero wins and villain loses.

                   Actually this part was so long and boring to watch that I don’t feel like describing it only.

20. A few PJs later, the childless cop couple decides to adopt Babli. Awwwwwwww… :\

21. It’s not over yet. Throughout the movie you are tortured by pathetic songs but the ending credits take it to the all new level where everyone is seen shaking to the tunes of something like “Hand utha ke naache….”  which sounded like “Pant utha ke naache..” to me in the theatre making it all the more unbearable.

P.S.: Neetu Kapoor is a very good actress and I would love to see her on screen again, but in a sensible movie next time. She played the role of a corrupt Jat cop to utmost perfection and was very convincing in the otherwise irritating battle scene. :)

Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani Review

Lemme start with ‘You  r my pumpkin pumpkin, Hello honey Bunny(Ranbir Kapoor)’.  Ranbir is not only the best actor that I have seen in recent times but also the most good looking one. Loafer whistles at you my Boy!

It all begins with the meeting of conservative, shy Naina(Deepika Padukone) and her Mommy with  Naina’s  dudette friend Aditi(Kalki). Mommy dear whose own daughter is in a mini skirt finds Aditi’s hotpants too much. LOL

Bored of mugging, Naina joins Aditi, Bunny and the Talli hero-from-Aashiqui 2-who-keeps-forgetting-that-this movie-is-not-Aashiqui 2, Avi(Aditya Roy Kapoor) for a trip to Manali(Kashmir in reality). After a few trademark Deepika’s hair shots , she falls for Bunny who meanwhile keeps flirting with nose-par-jiske-plastic-hai-saara, Lara and indulges in lots of idiotic slow motion dialogues with Naina who has probably damaged her own Naina by studying in the light of things like campfire. Aaargh!

Bunny runs off to USA to chase his dreams just as she was about to propose to him.

Fast forward the story to 8 years later.

Bunny has grown  a beard and changed his earrings and is living his dream life of travelling places. Naina is emoting with her hair, Aditi has decided to marry a rich, fat boy after finally moving on from Awww I love that idiot Avi phase. Avi is ofcourse still shooting for Aashiqui 2

Bunny suddenly pops up at her wedding and dances like a hurricane without any choreography. Wow!

I have a complaint here: How can Aditi be so mean that while she is wearing the prettiest of clothes, she lets her hubby  wear weird flowery shirts. Duh Woman..

Slow romantic(Yawn!) conversations resume between Bunny and now hot Naina who tells him Damn-you-Moron-Come-back-home in a very polite way and 20 mins later, he obliges.

Okay, The END.

Highilghts:

·         The queen of grace and beauty Madhuri Dikshit’s tasteful item number.

·         Kalki’s Bindaas acting and comic timing.

·         Catchy songs

·         Ranbir Kapoor ;)

Ek Thi Daayan Review

 Well it’s the story of a magician whose name if you chant in continuation will bring out the dog in you, Mr. Bobo(Emran Hashmi).

He is dating Tamara(Huma Qureshi) and they have an adopted son, Zubin in the pipeline. Now Bobo is not scared of burning a living girl in his magic shows but a baby girl with doll spooks him out. Spooky enough that after a while he decides marrying Tamara is the solution for it all.. Duh!

Bobo now digs up his past and story shifts to the  eleven year old wanna be magician. Living happily with his Sis and Dad, Bobo is unable to tame the Sherlock in him and takes a trip to hell in the building’s non functional escalator. Yeah right.. Don’t press 666 or you will reach hell.

Now enters a daayan(Konkana)  in their lives with the most innovative name, ‘Daayana’. She henpecks his Tharki Dad under her charm in no mean time. Bobo identifies the Daayan and tries  to convince his Dad but Alas! Tharki Dad is just too tharki. Konkana actually manages to give out a few scary moments without any lame ass twist in the plot. _/\_

Daayana has the ability to transform into a lizard and slip through anywhere. So convenient whenever you feel  too  fat for the door ;)

Daayans are recharged by the sacrifice of a kid and Daayan Daayana picks up Bobo’s lil sissy. Caught red handed in the act by father and son, Daayan kills Daddy Cool also and asks Bobo to come along. But Bobo chops off her pigtail and boom! she crumbles after promising  of PunarJanam..Also, we learn that Daayans have feet in the reverse direction.

Ofcourse all this Bobo’s  intelligence comes from the H C Verma of Magic world, a crap book he bought from a Kabadi Wala.   

Come back to the yawning present now, Enter the girl with front teeth all over the place, Lisa(Kalki). Her Daayan like jewelleries affirm that Daayan has come back. Yawn… Yawn.

She buys Bobo’s  crappy childhood home and soon Tamara is hanging on the railing as if it’s ‘Khatron Ke Khiladi’. Ofcouse Piddi Lisa managed to topple Fat Huma and even more obvious is that atleast 50 more people who are at the party don’t lend a helping hand to Bobo The Dodo to pull his wife up. Duh!

Sniffing threat to Zubin’s life Bobo boboes to hell again  ofcourse in the non functional elevator and meets the chudail+wife he had been with all along, Tamara…

Wonder how even after making out so many times he did not notice her feet. Like father, like son. :\

Bobo is enlightened with the fact that he is a potential ‘Pishaach’ and should sacrifice the kid on the table to join the league. Weirdly, lots of expressionless people are present in hell while all this goes on. LOL! Ofcourse ‘Bobo The Pishaach’ decides against it and  delares:” THIS IS SPARTA..!”

‘ Tams the dumbs’ is apparently a newbie Daayan as she forgets to transform into a lizard before crawling up the wall in the fight. No common sense only :\

Being a sheer genius, ‘Bobo The Dodo’ recalls from the book that being a potential Pishach, he can harness the energy and has his Junior G moment. He then uses that energy to Khallaas Tamara.

He now has to kill ‘Daayana The Daayan’ but sadly he loses his killer abilities with the loss of his innocence according to Satan manual. Duh!

After a funny fight between Bobo and Daayan’s choti, Javed Habib of the story-Zubin, chops off her hair and she crumbles again. If only he could make her Takloo.. :\

 Okay Okay! Wake up now. This movie is not that bad and full of pretty ladies. You can watch it once and that’s all. J J

Ek Tha Tiger!

I went into the movie with a pre conceived notion that I will be opening with “Ek Tha Salman” for dishing out the same over spicy formula and being predictable. I was not wrong. But I was not right also!
 

Ek Tha Tiger is like Salman Khan’s signature recipie and it turned out pretty entertaining. I will go through the moments that stood out for me intentionally or otherwise.

Comedy:

 50 year old RAW spy, ‘Tiger’ returns home after a mission to an epidemic of women saying things like “Wo Aa Gaya!” in a slutty tone. All this while, Tiger uses all his mind power to concentrate on milk being poured into his vessel. Seriously?!! :D  

Tiger goes on a mission and meets Zoya(Katrina) and delivers a series of must watch funny PJs. After falling in love, he starts feeling  that his macho nickname given by RAW is actually a dog’s pet name. You may actually feel like singing  “Ban Gaya Kutta” from “Pyaar ka punchnama”  right on his face once he says that. :D     

Shy spy turns into a nice lover boy and almost gets kissed before Zoya runs away as if he had bad breath!  

‘Tiger’ has the agility of a squirrel, strength of an elephant but the IQ of a donkey compared to lizard-like- fast Zoya who outwits or rather ‘outspies’ him on many occasions.

RAW agents show similar traits to our Indian police in reaching late and are infact shamefully beaten upto the crime scene by Pakistan’s  ISI! Tcchhh!!
  

To watch out for:

Tiger’s immunity to gravity in the awesome action sequences.

Zoya’s action sequences are to die for. One of the best efforts by an Indian actress.

Hey Ladies! Katrina’s clothes are too pretty and wearable! Watch carefully so that your hawk eyes don’t miss out on similar pieces. Katrina’s  manages to pull off her getup as a Pakistani diplomat with gusto. Her clothing has stark resemblance(intentional?) to the actual stylish politician from Pak, Ms. Hina Rabbani Khar.

   

Cuba :* Havana looks too awesome in the movie and is now on my wishlist of “Places to visit”. Even Istanbul looks great. The cinematography is surely very good.

The only good song of the movie, “Mashallah” if you ignore ‘Tiger’ jumping around like an uncomfortable monkey. Katrina dances too well and looks great in the song.

Ranvir Shorey in his very smart and witty role of a co spy. \m/


Wtf fact

 Why did not Zoya date her more handsome and younger  co-spy from the same company & nationality !


 It is surely a movie worth watching once. All in all, an entertaining timepass. :)