Make DreamsWork !

Dreams do come true if a chap gets placed in a dude company like DreamWorks.

So what if they undergo a few funny tweaks to settle in the dudeness ;)

Step 1: Refer to the fb pics of seniors, analyze their attire and chop off all the pants to knee length.  

 Step 2: If you are unfortunately named something like ‘Teerthankar’ brace yourself up to be called ‘Tatti’ as a part of ‘disfigure-any-name’ tradition.

Step 2.5: Compare it against colleges nicks like Golu, Badboo, Ghissu and cry.

Step 3: Learn to distinguish between male and female colleagues. Men will always have longer hair and prettier earrings.

Step 4: Get rid of the weird Indian accent. Religiously watch video lectures of F.R.I.E.N.D.S . to overcome this handicap.

Step 5: Wear GAP sweatshirt no matter how hot the weather is. Don’t wear full pants no matter how cold the weather is.

Step 6: Wear only bathroom slippers to work.

Step 7: Get ears pierced. Right after lower lip piercing.

Step 8: Buy fake boom boom boomer tattoos for biceps incase still numb with the pain of piercing.

Btw, all this this is just my guess about the guys who work  9 floors above me. Reality may be even more interesting. ;)

I got a contagious disease!!

Ok, So I am in solitary confinement. My roommate shifted to the hall. Now I know how mean  untouchability was. I have utensils assigned which I keep outside like a pet whenever I am hungry.

Nobody shares chocolates with me anymore. I have been forced to take leaves way out of my league.

Is it that bad? May be, it’s not!

Woohoo! I have the master bedroom with the biggest attached bathroom all to myself. Even my hair on the floor is happy. No competition with my roommate’s after all. I am over the moon thanks to sheer impossibility  of “Hi Hello..Ya Right! Bimbo” bitching all night and waking up crow eyed for work. I can instead polish other innate yet ignored talents. Training my flatmates for motherhood is one of them. ;D

I am being served breakfast, lunch, dinner in bed for free because “Babe, I pay by cash only these days. I swear I won’t wipe my viral nose with the note”  is a good generosity magnet. :D

I have never had ownership over any plate or glass and suddenly I am entitled to everything of my own. Divine bliss I need not swim in the sink anymore before dinner for a tiny spoon.

Thank god I had a bite of every pack of chocolate in the house just before I was officially a weapon of mass beauty destruction . Now they are all mine. Self Hi-five!

And dear boss, for the 1^st time, I would like to come to office. Before time. Work overtime. Call just once and I will hug you, share my donut, laugh at your jokes really hard and wipe off the unintentional spit and leave the intentional virus behind on you. Just one call. Just one……  

Life is not exactly a bed of roses these days. It’s a bed of Neem leaves and Neem is good, soothing, calming. 

I am even rising above materialistic stuffs. Thanks to chicken pox, I already hate the idea of consuming any chicken dish. God forbid but if I ever get FISHer / EGGzema,  PETA you know who to lookout for. ;)

Even my craze for the “perfect pattern for frivolous people”, polka dots is gone. Because I look like one already. L

@Friends who silently suffer with me even without chicken pox:  What earlier was a tantrum is now my Right sweetheart. I will scream and whine because I have been asked not to have fine wine & dine. FYI, I still don’t think fruits, sprouts, juices are edible.   I genuinely pray for thy mental strength till I win the fight against the eunuchs of living-non living world, Virus. 

Why Why Why!!

 

1.       Why the hell do clothes shrink right after a good meal?

2.       Why can’t music listen to me and play itself when even I don’t know what I want to hear!

3.       Why is ‘Maggi’ called ‘Maggi’ when it has 0% Magnesium?

4.       Why don’t Malayalis belong to Malaysia and make atleast 1 GK fact simple?

5.       Why do ideal men love men?

6.       FAT: Why are just 3 letters enough to show 3 layers?

7.       How can a Bollywood actor sing in so many voices within the same film?!

P.S: I have no clue why am I asking all this. May be I overthink or it’s one of those days when I have   nothing to ponder on ;) 

Bollywood is having a ball!

It was a great mango season in terms of some of the outstanding movies that were released in the past few months.

 However cliché, horror Raaz 3 was an opener for a string of awesome hit movies in Bollywood.

Barfi was a special one with even more special characters in it. Barfi cycling to A R Rahman’s tunes in the beautiful bylanes was a treat. Kudos to Jhilmil for being a better retard than a retard.  If only they hadn’t taken our old habit of copying from someone else’s “Notebook” so seriously!  

And then came Heroine. The movie was a hit on every pocket that paid to watch it. It seems Madhur Bhandarkar manipulated Kareena’s role to portray each and every and probably the only emotion he went through(constipated pain) when Aishwarya chose pregnancy instead. Seeing the film’s fate, must say that the baby girl indeed brought Aishwarya immense good luck even before she arrived.

OMG! Oh My God restored my faith into the fact that Akshay Kumar is not a bimbo! A rare amalgamation of intelligence, sensibility and humor. It will surely be my choice for Oscars, Bharat Ratna and even Nobel ! This movie should be a compulsory video lecture for every Indian who shuns common sense for religious adamancy.  Paresh Rawal is a class in himself but what entertained me the most was Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sri…Sridevi in English Vinglish! ;)

It was a great comeback movie for our very own Lord Voldemort, Sridevi. Every kid can connect to their immature years through this movie. It’s about every Ma who falls in love with herself after loving her family for years. On a serious note, I wish she had run away with the cutexy French guy. But on 2^nd thoughts, by feeding her hubby an extra Laddoo in the last scene plus going by the trend of Indian men embracing stress diabetes, may be it was a smart move to keep the ugly husband’s property  and the French stud a few years later. After all, you can never predict a woman.  ;)

  Hopefully  films like SOTY are minor hiccups and the upcoming ones, Talaash, JTHJ, SOS etc. will manage to stretch up this dream run. :)

A lil tweak and a big twist ;)

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now

No more gas in the rig
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort

Throw on your brake lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in dyslexia
It's like the darkness is the light
Dyslexia
Am I scaring you tonight
Dyslexia
Ain't used to what you like
Dyslexia
Dyslexia

Test

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The Great Indian Exam Show

So in that TV series, hero comes to write the paper, answers like a cool fool dude, eyes flirt with the heroine and it’s bell time :)

So we also have quite a few 'exams' for any average student in India. The 'Agnee Parikshas' in true sense.

But the ordeal begins much before the anxiety hits. Finding the exam center is no less than a treasure hunt. It is also a typical rich bitch’s only shot at ‘Discovery of India’. 230 bylanes and Rs 350 ride later, the ‘Eureka’ moment comes and so does the pressure seeing fellow intellectual minds’ last minute Nirma soap like consistent behavior. 

God forbid, if that pressure is transmitted to your bladder, you will definitely have to see hell even before the exam commences. Unless of course, you are the Man who decides to take up the responsibility of watering plants with your own sweat and pee.

 Before entering the exam hall, we get the practice of a lifetime to stand in a queue for reasons unknown even to the guard at the gate. Interestingly, we as Indians do not replicate similar behavior at any counter that we ever encounter.

After so many break points we are expected to break down every question. And we do it! Sometimes by magically increasing the elasticity of that single line that lingers on in head, sometimes by excelling at ‘inky-pinky-ponky’ in MCQs and sometimes even by STUDYING. :D  

Weirdly, a song plays in my head for each emotion that I go through as I set out to exchange my ink for marks..

Leaving the house confidently after forcing everybody to wish me luck: “Sandese aate hain……”

On the way to center looking outside the window: “I am leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when...”

 

Waiting period before you can open the paper on your desk: “Tempted to touch..”

Gambling in MCQ: “Aazmaa Luck Aazmaa…”

In the middle of nowhere: “Wake up Sid!”

Just before paper submission: “Aaj main upar, Aasmaa neeche…”

Just after paper submission:” ula la la la le yo… ula la la la le yo”  

Overhearing my mistake from *lets-discuss-answers* troupe: “Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna…”

After seeing a happy friend: “Acha sila dia tune mere pyaar ka, yaar ne hi loot lia ghar yaar ka…..”

After looking at the solutions: “Kya se kya ho gaya…”